Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
