I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
