Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
