hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
