i think my tv is drunk
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
