WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
