Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
