I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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