Yo dont text me then not text me
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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