Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
