Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
