my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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