So drunk, too bad you don't want this
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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