I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
