she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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