in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
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