Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
