I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
