My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
