The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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