Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
His nipple licking is glorious
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