Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
