Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
