Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
