Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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