Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
