Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
