We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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