i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
