You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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