Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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