Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
