I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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