im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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