It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
They took my balls.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
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