You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
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it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
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If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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