Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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