Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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