I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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