My nipple is on Facebook.
nutella sex= disaster
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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