Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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