Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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