If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize