fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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