They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
