my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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