he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I didn't notice because vodka
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
