I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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