I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
