I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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