Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
