She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
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Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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