Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
