I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
