we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
