Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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