So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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