This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
