I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
