what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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