Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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