I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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