I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Randomize
