Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Who died my cat blue again?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
