Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
