If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
