If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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