my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I want to have your abortion
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
