What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
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I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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