Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
