when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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