Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
