My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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