You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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