I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
