I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
