Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
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