I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
