ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
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Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
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I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize